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In this episode of Parenting for Thought, Emry speaks with Rachel Mark, an acupuncturist and integrative health coach, about the nervous system—what it is, how it affects our daily lives, and why parents in particular should pay attention to their own nervous system health. They explore how modern stress differs from what our bodies were built to handle and discuss practical ways to regulate activation levels. Below are excerpts from their conversation.
What is the Nervous System?
Emry: Can you get us all on the same page? What is the nervous system beyond just being the nerves in our body? What is its role, and what is the parasympathetic nervous system?
Rachel: Great question. I love zooming out and getting a working knowledge of what the nervous system actually is. The term is everywhere—"nervous system reset," "do this for your nervous system"—but what does it mean?
I think of our nervous system as the body's communication highway. Picture driving into a city: you start on a large highway, then take exits onto smaller roads until you reach your destination. Your nervous system works similarly, with your spinal cord as the main highway and nerves branching off like side streets.
We have two key parts of the autonomic nervous system: the sympathetic (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) and the parasympathetic (rest, digest, repair). These systems should work in balance, but modern life keeps many of us in a constant state of activation.
Stress vs. Activation
Emry: A lot of parents, especially mothers, say they’re “fine” because they’re not emotionally overwhelmed, but I look at their daily lives—work, kids needing things, emails, errands, responsibilities—and it’s constant. Even if they don’t label it as stress, isn’t their system still activated?
Rachel: Exactly! We associate “stress” with feeling emotionally overwhelmed, but activation happens even if you’re not labeling it that way. If you go through the day constantly responding to needs—emails, kids, deadlines, social obligations—your sympathetic nervous system is activated. Your system doesn’t necessarily distinguish between a life-threatening event and chronic, low-grade activation. It’s all stress to your body.
The Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Responses
Emry: I love that we’re finally talking about Freeze and Fawn as valid responses. I have a history of fawning for survival, but I didn’t know what it was for years. Looking back, I wondered, Why didn’t I stand up for myself? Why didn’t I shut that situation down? But now I see—it was survival. That understanding is so freeing.
Rachel: Yes! We often focus on fight and flight, but freeze and fawn are just as real and valid. Animals do this too—dogs use appeasement behaviors like lip-licking, head ducking, or rolling onto their backs to communicate, Hey, I don’t want conflict. Humans do the same thing. If you grew up in an environment where fawning kept you safe, that response gets wired into your nervous system. The good news? You can rewire it.
Rewiring the Nervous System
Emry: How do we rewire these patterns? Because logically knowing something is different from feeling safe enough to act differently.
Rachel: Yes! It takes practice. I like to use a visual: imagine a field. There’s one well-worn path—that’s your old response. Walking a new path means trudging through tall grass at first. It feels uncomfortable, unnatural. But the more you do it, the clearer the path becomes. Eventually, it’s the easy route.
Setting a boundary for the first time might feel gut-wrenching. But the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. That’s how we retrain our nervous system.
The Power of the Pause
Emry: What’s one thing you hope people take away from this conversation?
Rachel: Two things. First, humans are resilient. Whatever situation you’re in, it’s temporary. Change is always possible. Second, embrace the power of the pause. If you feel activated, take a moment. Breathe. You don’t have to respond immediately. This works with kids, too. Saying, I need a second before I answer that teaches them it’s okay to regulate before reacting.
Where to Find Rachel
Emry: Where can people find you and your work?
Rachel: My website is rachelmark.ca, and I’m on Instagram at @rachelmark.ca. I have free resources, a sleep support guide, and a quiz on how stress affects hormones. I also have a 10-day reset—not a detox or extreme challenge, just simple daily actions to support nervous system health.
Emry: I love that. Thank you so much for this conversation. We’ll have to do a Part Two on how parents can help regulate their kids’ nervous systems.
Rachel: Absolutely! Looking forward to it.